Zonkers Batman, what a weekend! A brief rundown, run-in’s with the law having been
italicized for emphasis:



Friday: Oh man, I had to haul my ass out of bed at 6am today, yeah…
I’m workin’ the drywall at the new McDonalds down in Vascalindous.* No really, I
awoke as the sun rose above Queensbury in order to enjoy a full afternoon of dying of
sweat in the New York City subway system. It was a good time though, as I managed to
pick up a graduation gift as well as a new map of New York City. Apparently they have
changed many of the subway routes in New York just enough to confuse me.


Also saw the World Trade Center site, which was nothing like I imagined.
The site of the building itself is really just a large, fairly non-descript hole, albeit in the
center of the financial district. However, the surrounding walkways, walls, and fences are
still today covered in t-shirts, photographs, memorials, notes, banners, and flowers - it
really is amazing. Things I did not approve of: selling of “day of terror” booklets and
“original photographs” in and around the site.



Saturday: Graduation party day. I got to hang out with Elizabeth,
Allison, and Susan, but felt a little out numbered as I was the only college boy in sight.
It’s a good thing I’m such an incredibly manly man.



Sunday: I crashed at Liz’s place for the weekend, and now, it is time to
head out and return to NYC to party down with Los-dog, Watsy, and Kyle. We hit up
three or for bars, including McSorely’s (sp), one of the oldest bars in New York as well
as home of the 20-beers-for-35-bucks deal. Now while it is quite excellent to have 20
little mugs of beer sitting on the table in front of you, you’re really only getting about 8
ounces of alcohol by my estimates, due to small mugs and lots of foam.



The other highlight of the evening was nearly getting kicked out of a bar for
playing pacman too loud being rowdy. Yeah.



Monday: Wakeup at 10 AM due to the fact that it is already 95 degrees
out. I’m giving pat a ride home, and we’ve got an hour on the subway and then a three
hour drive ahead of us, so we decide to peace out and get moving.



All is going well until officer ass-face decides that I am going a little too fast and
decides to turn around on the highway and come and find me, in order to ensure that
I am properly charged for my blatant disregard for the law. I pull out all the stops - tell
him I really have to pee, try to look as pathetic as possible, but nothing. At one point he
comes up to the car and says “alright man, I know you we’re just trying to get home so
this is what I’m going to do for you” - so now I think, oh my god, I may get out of this -
“this is you’re speeding ticket, I wrote it for going 85 in a 65″ - and with that, my hopes
were dashed. However, Officer Ass-face did leave me with one amazing piece of
wisdom:



“If you don’t want a speeding ticket, don’t speed” - wholly shit? If
only I had known…



Now, an occasional speeding ticket sucks, but this is the second one I’ve gotten in the last
nine months or so, and in the same place as previous speeding tickets. You think I would
have learned my lesson. But there’s more:



Later this evening, upon returning home and going out with a few friends, Officer
Ass-Face’s best friend, officer Butt-Cheese, decides to hassle us again! This time, the
crime is driving across a parking lot. Seriously. We got in Pat’s car, decided to go get
food at a place just across the street, so we drove across the parking lot and parked on the
other side. Officer Buss-Cheese sees this and makes the logical assumption that we are all
wasted and driving drunk. I’m just glad there is so little crime around here that the cops
have nothing better to do than stop people driving through parking lots.



And so that concludes my ultra-exciting weekend. If you actually read this far, you
should be ashamed.



*note: blatant office space reference.